For the longest time, my staple look has always been overgrown glasses. I’m not sure what it is. Perhaps it’s because I have big eyes; when you add big frames, it makes my eyes look even more doe-ish than before. Maybe I want to look more open than my round features already convey. Eyes are, after all, the windows to the soul.
But I’ve grown tired of these lenses. I think I’ve outgrown the look, because lately I’m ready to transition into a more mature, more womanly look. Not sexy, or anything (I don’t think I could pull that off), but I’m ready to have something that flatters my eyes a bit more now as I transition into this new period of my life.
I also want to stop looking like a fucking loser. Glasses are cute and all, but my God, I’m tired of them. I’m tired of needing glasses to look at anything. I used to not mind it before, but for some reason I’ve found myself especially short at the thought of having to use them. They’re on all the time, always touching my face, and the thought of having them pisses me off.
These would only be the spare. I never thought it’d happen to me, but I think I finally want contacts now. That’s the real end goal for me now. I used to be pushed away at the thought of sticking something in my eye, but I can touch my eyeballs on their own to remove eyelashes; I think I’m now desensitized. It took one night of looking at videos and scrolling through articles about finding the right contacts and caring for them and everything you’d ever need to know about having them. I made sure to fill up my brain with everything I could find until it started pouring out my nose.
Until I get fitted, I’ll be stuck with frames. These same frames I’ve only had for a year, but have become increasingly less enthused of by their sight. I don’t want my eyes to be hidden behind anything anymore. I think I might forget to close my eyes when dust gets kicked up by the wind, and I’ll miss having a shield for protection, but I don’t want to be concealed anymore. I want to feel the rain on my face as it comes down from the sky. I want to wear cute looks that aren’t lessened by my spectacles. I want to be able to see everything, all the time, without needing to put my eyes on.
Sometimes it teases me, where my eyes are lubricated, and my vision clears up just enough to where I can see the world in full view, with every crisp edge and color which stares upon me in beauty. It lasts as long as I don’t blink, but once I do, the world is back to being a whitish blur.
I miss being able to see.
HAPPY 